Phelps testifies to the power of the right conference

At a low point in her life, Laura Phelps attended a Catholic conference that radically changed her life for the better. Now, about a decade later, she is excited to speak at the Catholic Diocese of Wichita’s Second Annual Women’s Conference, which is scheduled for March 6-7 at the Hyatt Regency in Wichita.

“Any woman who is able to get through that door and give it a try will realize she is keeping a divine appointment that was scheduled before she was even born,” Phelps said. “Look out – because big things can happen. My life was completely transformed by giving up a Saturday, leaving my kids at home, and just being present to hear that talk.”

A changed life

Phelps would have roundly rejected the suggestion she was “Lukewarm Laura” before that 2016 conference. Practicing the Catholic faith was a priority in the family in which she grew up. As an adult, she continued to attend Mass on Sundays and holy days. She even helped with parish ministries such as youth catechesis and vacation Bible school, checking what seemed to be necessary boxes on the “good person” checklist. 

“I was doing those things, but without purity of intention,” Phelps said. “It wasn’t about a relationship with God. It was really just sort of going through the motions.”

Going through the motions applied in more ways than one, she acknowledges.

“My marriage was on life support,” she said. “It was ‘quit and stay.’ I basically gave up, but wasn’t going anywhere, which is a really miserable place to be. Our finances were nonexistent – I actually learned what ‘in the red’ means. There were life stressors with the kids, too. It was a perfect recipe for disaster, because I was not built on solid ground. Life was not working, and I was blaming everything and everyone but myself.”

About 15 years before, while living in Los Angeles, Phelps had attended a two-day retreat led by Catholic writer and speaker Matthew Kelly and went away changed – for half a week. “I loved it,” she said. “He talked about finding the quiet, going into the ‘classroom of silence’ for 10 minutes a day. I was on board for three days and then totally forgot.”

A decade and a half later, Phelps had relocated to her home state of Connecticut, which merely confirmed that her problems had little to do with locale. Nevertheless, she hoped to better integrate herself into St. Rose of Lima Parish in Newtown, and so one day, she was on the parish website and saw that Kelly was scheduled to speak at an upcoming conference. Recalling his pleasant demeanor, engaging storytelling, and charming Australian accent, she signed up.

“I was in the middle of a rough, rough period,” Phelps said. “He began the conference asking, ‘Do you want your life to change?’ I thought, ‘Yeah, I sure do.’”

Kelly then issued a challenge that struck Phelps as anticlimactic: Attend daily Mass for two weeks.

“I was a little disappointed,” she said. “I was like ‘That’s it? Alright, I’ll give it a go.’”

Not only did Phelps accept that challenge, but she also returned to the school of silence from which she had so quickly gone truant 15 years before. Each day, Phelps arrived at St. Rose to pray, listen to God’s word, receive the Eucharist, and then sit in the stillness. 

“It was really powerful and hard to put into words,” she said. “After Mass I would do some spiritual reading . . . and sit in silence with the Lord.”

To that point in her life, Phelps noticed, her prayer life had revolved around peppering the Almighty with requests. “Before, if I was on my knees, you can bet your bottom dollar I was asking for something,” she said. “Then I found a sweet spot I didn’t know existed, where I could just be with him, feel loved, and find comfort.”

That comfort did not come because all her petitions were answered as she wanted, Phelps adds. “I would go home to the same house with the same people asking about dinner,” she said. “None of that changed, but something inside me did.”

And during those days in which she perceived the Lord working quietly in her newly calmed soul, a friend sent her a link to a Bible study. It intrigued her.

Meeting a need

The Phelps family had moved to Connecticut in 2010 and enrolled their children in nearby Sandy Hook Elementary. Her son was in the first grade, and her daughter in the third grade, on Dec. 14, 2012, when a gunman attacked the school, killing 26 adults and 20 children. Her children were among the survivors, but the horror of that attack cast a deep, dark shadow over the area. 

The graces associated with her new daily Mass habit were coming into contact with her ruminations about the community’s trauma and grief. Reading about the Walking With Purpose women’s Bible study stirred something. 

“That quiet time in which I learned to listen to the Lord helped me recognize his voice,” she said. “I thought, ‘I don’t feel qualified to lead a Bible study, but I feel like this is where he’s leading me, so I’m going to do it.”

She was getting a daily dose of Scripture in the Mass readings, and had dipped her toe into more independent Bible reading through devotionals, but still felt completely ill-equipped. Nevertheless, she made arrangements within the parish to launch and announce the program.

“Our community was searching, aching, and broken,” Phelps said.

“We had only been in the parish a couple of years and I thought, ‘I don’t even have friends and I barely know anybody,” she said. “I invited a few people, but I thought ‘No one is going show up.’” 

But then registrations said otherwise. By the day of the first gathering, 36 women had registered. That night, 56 showed up, easily filling the quarter of the parish’s Holy Innocents Center gathering hall. Almost immediately, she realized it might be necessary to make use of the new building’s adjustable interior walls. 

“We were opening those walls and dragging in chairs,” Phelps said. “By the end of the year, we were using – and filling – the entire space. We split into morning and evening programs and it continued to thrive.”

That contrasted with what Phelps had seen in numerous other worthwhile ministries, where attendance often peaked at the outset and gradually trickled away with time. “Walking with Purpose does the opposite,” she said. “It’s not me. It’s because of the Holy Spirit and because of how the content grabs hold of a woman’s heart.”

The content, which is readily accessible to women who rarely or never open their Bibles, is not targeted to theologians, Phelps describes, nor does it focus on tackling the narrative of Salvation History. The content first hits them in their hearts and then draws them into the pertinent scriptural passages, she explains.

“It identifies the ache of a woman’s heart: ‘I feel alone;’ ‘I feel unseen;’ ‘I feel unattractive;’ ‘I have no purpose;’ ‘I’m exhausted;’ ‘I can’t do anything right;’ all the things that run through so many women’s heads before they even open their eyes in the morning,” Phelps describes. “Then we prove that’s actually a lie. Women open their eyes and hearts to Scripture when they see those beliefs contradict God’s word and actually are not true.”

As St. Rose’s Walking with Purpose program took flight, Phelps met Lisa Brenninkmeyer, who at her Maryland parish in 2002 launched the women’s Bible study that became Walking with Purpose. A convert to Catholicism, Brenninkmeyer had sought to reach young mothers with a fresh Bible study that addressed their situations.

“We all believe the lie, especially those of us with young children, that there is no time to pray,” Phelps said. “I wish I had known that in the midst of the busyness, the crazy, the kids and packing their lunches – thank you, Lord, that my kids are grown and I never have to pack another lunch – that you can still do all that prayerfully. You can still find the Lord in the busyness. And if you hide in your closet for two minutes, the Lord will meet you there.”

Phelps connected with Brenninkmeyer when she came to St. Rose to speak. “We just started talking,” she said.

Books and a podcast

Phelps’ involvement with Walking with Purpose deepened from volunteering to joining the organization as a regional coordinator who helps participating parishes launch their programs. The ongoing mentorship she provided evolved into writing, where her previous experience included a few years writing what she calls one of the “OG snarky mommy blogs.” 

Except she was now writing about faith, which eventually led to Victorious Secret: Everyday Battles and How to Win Them, published by OSV in 2018, and Sweet Cross: A Marian Guide to Suffering, published by OSV in 2021. Holding to Scripture and its insights, Phelps explored topics such as how to face pain, sorrow, anxiety, and other demons, both literal and figurative. 

Even so, she suggests, her next book may well delve into a new hobby. A few years ago, she and her husband, Nick, decided to raise chickens. “I have the best husband, and his charism is taking on a project that requires two, four, even six people and building it himself. That’s what he did with our chicken coop,” she said. “The chickens give me an excuse to close my laptop and go outside. I work remotely and could sit alone all day, staring at a screen, but I’ll see it’s time to go feed the chickens. I’ve sat out there with coffee and prayed my rosary. I told my spiritual director that going out to the coop evokes thoughts of all the ways I need to build protection against the enemy. She just stopped me and said ‘Laura, Jesus wants to be your coop.’ So stay tuned. It may be the next book.”

Phelps and Brenninkmeyer also co-host “Hope for Right Now: A Walking with Purpose Podcast,” which comes out weekly and has recorded nearly 100 episodes. “Everybody seems to think Lisa and I are best friends from childhood who record each podcast in the same room while braiding each other’s hair,” Phelps laughed. “We did not meet until I started Walking with Purpose.

“We  have very different lives, very different upbringings, very different experiences with scripture,” Phelps continued. “She had been protestant and really knows Bible; I was brand new to it. The base of our friendship is a love of getting into God’s word, applying it to our lives, and sharing it with other women.”

Women’s Conference

Sharing God’s word with others, and helping them do the same, is what Phelps envisions for her contribution to the Catholic Women’s Conference, set for the first weekend of March in Wichita. She notes she has been to the area before, having spoken at St. Vincent de Paul in Andover, and has great affection for Wichita’s 8th Day Books. 

“I had my coffee and was sitting on the floor with a stack of books still shopping after the store had closed for the night, but they were very patient,” Phelps said. “I have arranged my talk and my trip so I have a day to get to 8th Day, which is one of my favorite places in the world.”

Nevertheless, the conference itself is the focus of her visit. Phelps expresses hope it can help strengthen attendees’ own individual relationships with Christ.

“To anyone unsure about giving up a weekend – or even anyone unsure about God – who is thinking ‘I can’t leave my house, everything will crumble,’ That is a lie from the pit of Hell,” she said. “Satan does not want you to show up, because when women stand strong in our identity, when we recognize who we are, it is beautiful. The difficult things that have happened to us, the sin we fall into, the shame that we carry, none of that disqualifies us from the love of God. Get through that door and give it a try. I did that 10 years ago and it changed my life.”