Accompanying newly married, engaged couples takes intention

Jake Samour definitely knows the difference between Mardi Gras and Lent. Nevertheless, the director of the Catholic Diocese of Wichita’s Office of Marriage and Family Life is devoting a portion of his family’s Lenten practice to good food and fun. That is because Samour and his wife, Ramie, have made it a point to host young engaged or married couples at their home – sometimes more than one at a time – once a week during this Lent.

If pressed, Samour acknowledges the commitment includes elements of sacrifice and self-denial, for which the season is best known. But he emphasizes that, as Lenten resolutions go, these are punctuated by good food, meaningful conversation, and plenty of laughter.

“We have done it during some previous Lents, but not for a couple of years because life takes over,” he said. “It can be a bit crazy, but it’s also beautiful.”

He points to Wednesday, March 19, when the Samour family hosted a few younger couples for the Solemnity of St. Joseph, a celebration that included traditional fava beans and a decorated altar.

“Three couples came, and we had a wonderful time,” he said. “These couples are all from different parishes, and while I think they’ve seen each other at Marriage on Tap, this was an opportunity to not only get to know our family better, but also to bond with each other.”

Samour notes that Marriage on Tap, too, involves sharing a meal and socializing. It is a ministry specifically tailored to engaged couples and those married five years or fewer. The next Marriage on Tap, scheduled from 6 to 8 p.m. at the Party Barn in Colwich, will feature wood-fired pizza and a special presentation.

Meanwhile, Samour notes that more experienced couples who may want to intentionally mentor younger couples will have an opportunity to hear more about it at the upcoming Date Night, scheduled for Thursday, May 1 at 6:15 p.m. at the Spiritual Life Center in Bel Aire.

The Art of Accompaniment

The familiar saying that values are “more caught than taught” – where priorities are passed down more through lived example than instruction – is not just about parenting. While the phrase may intimidate those whose actions sometimes fall short of their words, it also offers encouragement: we teach others simply by how we live.

However, those lessons cannot be “caught” if they remain hidden. That’s where the art of accompaniment comes in, Samour suggests.

“Walking with each other helps us see each other’s environments,” he said. “As you invest the time, you see how people handle different situations, and everything is reciprocal. It’s not only for the less experienced couple. Mentor couples are enriched because they want to be the best versions of themselves.”

In previous generations, most children grew up in extended families with a higher percentage of long-lasting marriages. Most social interactions took place in person, and young people had numerous examples of what married life looked like. That’s not the case today, Samour notes.

“We have to be more intentional about that now,” he said. “If we just leave it to chance, those encounters won’t happen to the extent they used to. People live more isolated lives.”

Evidence that newly married couples need specific pastoral attention can be found in simple observations. Samour recalls a staff member at one of the diocese’s largest parishes noting that fewer than half of the young couples married there in recent years had registered in the parish.

“It’s reasonable to hope that some of those couples are attending Mass elsewhere,” he said, “but we don’t want them to be neglected or fall through the cracks. A couple that keeps God at the center of their relationship in the early years not only sets positive patterns for the future but also avoids negative ones that tend to grow worse with time and the arrival of children.”

“It’s about replacing bad habits with good ones,” he added. 

And what about the ones who are not registered and are not attending Mass? Even couples who intend to return to the practice of their faith when their children reach school age can unintentionally form lasting impressions in the meantime, Samour considered.

“By the time children get to school, most of the lessons they’re going to learn about life have already been absorbed,” he said. “You can’t give what you don’t have. If you stay connected with the Church in those early years, you will have a very different child by the time they’re ready to start school.”

Opportunities to Connect

The benefits of accompaniment are many, Samour says. Among them is the comfort a young couple can find in knowing others have walked a similar path, as well as the encouragement that comes from being reassured they are heading in the right direction.

He recalls a moment during the March 19 dinner when he observed one of the young fathers playing with the children present.

“I noticed how everyone loved playing with him,” Samour said. “They were all having such a good time, and I just said, ‘You’re a great dad.’ We’re often tempted to think we’re not good enough, and I think it meant something to him to hear that.”

Samour points to a passage in Evangelii Gaudium, Pope Francis’ apostolic exhortation, that describes the art of accompaniment as teaching Christians to remove their figurative sandals before the sacred ground of the other.

“Each person is made in the image and likeness of God,” he said. “In the Far East, people greet one another with a bow, which I think in some ways more reverently recognizes the image of God in the other than a handshake does.”

Samour will explore this theme further at Date Night on May 1 at the Spiritual Life Center. Cost is $60 per couple and includes dinner. More information can be found at www.slcwichita.org. 

Marriage on Tap, by contrast, is free of charge. The next gathering will take place at the Party Barn in Colwich.

“The food will be provided by Anthony Seiler, who’s going to try and feed 100 people in an hour using his portable brick oven,” Samour said. “We will enjoy some pizza, hear from Jordan and Lindsey Meyer on ‘marriage as a vocation of love,’ and spend time in good company.”

To register or learn more, visit https://catholicdioceseofwichita.org/event/marriage-on-tap/.